Random Thoughts

What are friends like? Some might say they are people who are there for you during difficult times. I would agree with that. Some might say they are people who stick with you even when it would be easy to leave. Who wouldn't agree to that? What about people who deliberately take an interest in your life and want to know who you are? Are there people right now who are playing those roles in relation to me? I would say not.

Yeah sure I have people who - when they have the time - call me and want to hang out. Those people aren't abundant in number. I can think of at least a few people. Now have I hung out with people who haven't done either and who I consider as friends? Yeah of course.

But what about people who ask me questions about my life, struggles, accomplishments, and who aren't asking me questions in terms of how I can help them but are just wanting to know who I am?

I frankly know none of such people.

But someone might ask: Ben can you really expect people to do what you do? After all, they are not you and you are not them.

I think that question makes an invalid assumption. It assumes that the reason why I expect people to do that is *precisely* because I am doing it. But that's a false assumption. I do not believe that the fact I am doing it is something unique to Ben Williamson. I think it's something that is primary to friendships.

If you have nothing to inquire about the other person in terms of their history, growth, progress, and struggles in a variety of ways, then how can you confidently say you are their friend?

Sure they might be your friend because they do the things necessary for a friendship exist but you don't reciprocate their actions, and neither do you give any evidence that you have an interest in their lives.

It's one thing to say "I am interested in being your friend or knowing you" and it's another matter to prove it.

So far most, if not all of my current friendships, exist because I was the person to initiate it. Now there's nothing wrong with me being the primary initiator. But if I keep that role the entire time I am supposedly friends with them, then is this just a giving series of experiences but not a give-and-take example of a friendship?

I am honest guy to people. But unfortunately I cannot tell people sometimes what I really think about them because it would hurt their feelings. So as a result, I hide my feelings from them.

I honestly don't really know what else to write about as far as this topic is concerned. Yes I care about people, I enjoy imparting wisdom, knowledge, and insight to people, and I love making people feel happy.

But I don't feel connected to people. Will I do good to people regardless of how they treat me? Absolutely. Will I see myself as their friend? Probably so. Will I see them as my friends? Probably not. Because they don't know me deeply. Sure they know my character qualities as far as how I interact with them. But they don't know where I've been in life, my ups and downs, and so forth. Why?

Because they don't ask questions. Why don't they ask questions? For some, because they don't care or don't think it matters. For some, because it hasn't come to their minds and so they have nothing to ask.

I guess there's a big difference between being there for people and you considering them to be a friend.

I don't expect people to respond to this blog post because it's too much work because either they are burdened with other things (which I'm sympathetically understanding of) or they don't feel like exploring it.

I guess I would rather talk about anything that isn't personal with people because I just don't trust people in general. There are people I know who are genuine and I appreciate those people and I try to earn and keep their trust.

I try not to take peoples' trust for granted. I realize that trust is something that can be easily lost and hardly gained. So I appreciate it and take it to heart when people confide in me for certain matters, issues, or questions in their lives.

Maybe the reason why I'm talking about all of this is because I have too much time on my hands to think about these issues. If I were more busy, then maybe this would not bother me so much. But then again, if I stayed active in being physically fit in what I eat and how I exercise and read regularly and cultivated certain habits, I probably would feel much happier.

I guess I have poured so much into people and have received little in return. If this is what it means to have friends, then it's not a worthwhile investment. But of course, as a wise person would point out, my expectations as to what defines good investment is critical.

I realize that most people would not be as immediately and directly straightforward and disclosing of themselves as I am in the timespan that I normally show myself. Most people, in my experience, require more time for that to occur.

I want to be patient and give friendships time to develop. But I also fear that people use that as an excuse to be lazy.

I guess that when it comes to investing in people as friends, I have to consider a few things. First, I have to consider whether they are worth my time. Second, I have to expect minimal results so that I won't be as disappointed as I normally am. Third, I need to know what their *and* my philosophy of friendship is and see whether it's a true or faulty philosophy of friendship and whether it coheres with mine. I am *not* saying that if their philosophy of friendship doesn't cohere with mine, then automatically they have the wrong one.

It's a separate issue whether my philosophy of friendship is a true and coherent one as opposed to whether someone else's philosophy of friendship is compatible with mine or vice versa. Whether two views are compatible with each other has nothing to do with the truth of either views.

So I guess in rehashing what I was saying earlier, I need to address the 8 different but related questions:
(1) Is this person worth my time?
(2) Am I expecting minimal results and if so what are they?
(3) What is his or her philosophy of friendship?
(4) What is my philosophy of friendship?
(5) Do they have a true philosophy of friendship?
(6) Do I have a true philosophy of friendship?
(7) Does his or her philosophy of friendships cohere with mine
(8) Does my philosophy of friendship cohere with his or hers?

Thanksgiving

To be honest with you, I hadn't really thought about whether this Thanksgiving would have been something more special or unique than other Thanksgivings I've experienced. I mean, what would you expect? There is going to be a nice meal with plenty of good food, smiling faces to see, and a cozy place to celebrate it all at. What more could be added to the picture?

I started to think that maybe something different was coming because of a friend my sister Cheri had invited to our place. Her name is Erin. She's a very smart, bright, compassionate individual. She's unlike many other woman I have met in my life. It's not often when I meet a woman who can engage me as a scholar would and have a soft, sensitive side to herself that was quite endearing. Our family had talked with her about controversial issues like, the problem of suffering in the world (more specifically the Holocaust) and how to talk with people about contrary viewpoints.

After we had our full, I passed out for nearly an hour or so. I was exhausted from eating so much. After waking up, our family entered the living room, sat down on the couches, and started gathering to talk about what we were thankful for. We naturally went around the room through different people. The first person was Jeremy my brother in law. He's always brief and to the point about matters. He rarely or never I should say provides some commentary on what he is thinking, unless it's an extraordinary moment. I cannot remember who all went after him but sooner or later the discussion came to me.

I had been thinking of what I was going to say. I wanted it to mean something special. I wasn't content to just stick with famous old cliches like "I'm thankful for God, my family, friends..." blah blah blah. By the way, I hope you don't think I am not thankful for God, family, and friends. I very much am. I'm just tired of repeating the same expressions over and over again because of not having something fresh to say. I think people ought to take some time for once, and really do some mental lifting and think of some new ways to express their gratitude.

Well what did I say? Glad you asked. For the very first time in my life, I went around the room and highlighted something good and unique in each person in the room that I had resonated with for some time. I started with my dad. My dad is the reason why I'm a gentleman to women. He treats my mother like a princess. He calls her baby, loves kissing her in front of me and my sisters, and is the hardest working person I know. It is also from my dad that I truly learned generosity. Most people would say that I'm a generous guy. Well yes I have made choices in life but my dad is one prime example of that.

I then went to Cheri who is the middle child in the family (I'm the youngest out of 3). Cheri pulls no punches on what it takes to build a relationship with people. If you want to reap the benefits of love and fulfillment, then you have to put in the time and effort to appreciate that blessing. She is unabashedly realistic on how people are in the real world because she has lived in the real world for such a long time. And I'm thankful to her for impacting my understanding of how relationships work in (1) What I expect from others (2) What I know others expect from me and (3) What God expects from me.

My mother is the most sacrificial woman I know in life. There is no one I know who has sacrificed more than she has. I remember one time, when I was home with her, telling mom of how bad I felt for not cooking any meals for the fact I was too lazy to get to it! I basically told her that I did not think it was fair for her to bear the full burden of cooking and preparing meals around the house. I think she deserved a helping hand.

I moved to Erin and basically told her what I summarized in the beginning of this blog posting (minus the flowering details).

I was also short and brief with Jeremy. Even though I wouldn't say he's a close friend of mine, Jeremy and I have gotten closer and closer to possibly calling each other brothers. I'm not necessarily talking about spiritual brothers even though we are brothers in Christ. I'm talking about having him as a sub blood brother. I say that because I never had a brother growing up.

I moved to Nadyia who was the last person on my list. Nadyia is the oldest of us kids. I appreciate her analytical nature and not quick to buy into any idea out there, no matter how plausible it might seem on the surface. Some people might take this as being a bit judgmental. That very well could be true. But I also think it could reveal an attitude of discernment and wisdom. Be careful and know what you are getting yourself into whenever you are contemplating to pursue something you deem so highly important.

Last but not least, myself. I am so thankful that I have, for the first time in my life, spent so much time investing in myself in so many different ways. I have a personal journal that I have with certain thoughts and guidelines that I try to pray everyday of my life. Even though I have so much to learn and so many areas to grow in, I know I have grown so much over the last several years of life.

One big proof of that is the fact that I have conceptualized what it means to be a healthy person all around in my physical, emotional, intellectual, moral, and spiritual life. I have reflected on it all and I have been trying to incorporate those truths into my regular life. Has it been a struggle? You bet it has. But I am still in a work in progress.

Til' next time folks!

Updates on my life

Hey guys. As you all know, I have not been on here for at least a month or two. There are two simple reasons as to why that's the case, and here they are: laziness and discouragement.

Laziness

There have been many times in my life when I started something - whatever you could call it - but wouldn't finish it. Better yet, I would start something but would for some reason or another not keep it up. Why would this happen so much? I guess one reason at least is because I had thought for a long time that if I wanted to do something, then it was supposed to be natural or easy. But if it turned out to be hard or if I didn't want to do it at some time or another, then I must not really want to do it. This gets into how one can make sense of doing something that requires consistent effort and yet it enjoyable. I think basketball would be a good example of that. I don't dread the idea or act of basketball. I enjoy playing it a lot. But when it comes to reading and writing my thoughts in a blog page - like I'm doing right now - or in a journal - which I haven't done in several weeks or months - I struggle miserably with sticking to those things. 

I have been told that I'm a good speaker and a good writer. I know that laziness has to be broken one way or the other. I have to form habits. Habits are difficult to form from the get go. That's why they require discipline and commitment. But my difficulty is *how* am I supposed to commit myself to something I am supposed to *love* and be *passionate about*? I guess that I have been more of a feelings oriented kind of guy for most of my life than an intellectually oriented guy, that might be one of the reasons why I'm struggling to break laziness. I have a hard time staying committed to something that requires consistent effort which - over time - will become a lifestyle and hence easy to maintain. Why do I have a hard time? Because I have a *extremely* hard time with the "just do it" principle. It's almost like I have to sit and deliberate and think to myself, "When is that feeling of wanting to do this gonna arrive?" It's almost like I have to wait before that feeling of wanting to do something is somehow going to magically spur me on to do whatever I had planned to do in the first place. I feel almost as though that if I just do it - even though I don't feel like it and know that it's right - then I must not have done it genuinely or sincerely. It's almost like sincerity has to come in some kind of emotional form. 

And truthfully it can be simple things that may not be that significant at all. For example, there are things like getting out of bed in the morning, taking out the trash when it's full, washing the dishes in the sink, picking up loose clothes on my bed, flossing and brushing my teeth consistently (I do think this is a very important thing just to let you know) which I know I should do and aren't as huge as spending time with the Lord, reading a good book, getting my homework done, or something else. 

So maybe I just need to scratch the whole "wait till you feel like it" principle when it comes to doing things on a regular basis of whatever degree of importance they might have. I honestly wish the feelings of doing something good and constructive were always there. It's really frustrating that they oftentimes aren't. I can be extremely moody and emotionally inconsistent with myself on any given day if something doesn't go right. 

Logically speaking, it seems to me that doing something logically comes before liking or disliking it. Now there are some things that we don't do and we can know whether we would like them or not (i.e. falling on our heads, getting shot, bitten by a dog, etc.). So I grant that point. But in other cases, we do something because we like it. It's the fact we like doing something that enables us to keep doing it, but we wouldn't have known whether we like or dislike it, if we had never tried it in the first place. So essentially, we have to do something before we like or dislike something.

You might be wondering how this ties into what I've been saying all along. It's basically like this. I'm guessing that since my emotions are reactions based on what is going on with me or what I am doing in a certain situation, I can do something and honestly hope to God that the feelings will go along with whatever I'm doing eventually. I think I have some control over my feelings but not as much as I'd like to have. But I do have control over what I do or am capable of doing. So I can always do something, whether or not the feelings arrive. In fact, Gary Chapman in his book about the five love languages said that (in a relationship context of course) we can speak our spouse's love language even when the feelings of romance aren't there, and that the feelings can oftentimes arrive when we speak their love language. 

Discouragement

I couldn't count to you the number of times I have been discouraged by something in my life. Whether it had to do with being good looking enough for a girl to like me or to having a catchy enough personality, there was always something that could get me down. With regards to reading and writing, I think I get discouraged many times because I possibly expect too much of myself. I sometimes go back and forth on the kind of expectations I have set for myself. Sometimes I will have high expectations because I am feeling confident in a mountaintop way and then other times I will honestly expect little to nothing from myself. Even though I'm specifically talking about reading and writing, I can talk about relationships for a little bit. 

I have gotten discouraged before many times with myself over whether I was any fit for a girl for the following reason: I didn't know how to take things slow or be patient. Because my excitement over making a new friend would escalate nearly out of control, I would end up losing a potential friend. And then I would think that I just didn't have the wherewithal to make good use of having friendships. Discouragement would set in and eventually it would turn into cynicism. I would think all women were suspect and downright hypocrites and just thinking only about their own wants and needs, and not even thinking they had any moral obligations towards men. Of course I knew I was making a sweeping generalization in my mind, but I didn't care because granting the truth didn't make me feel any better. 

But getting back to the subject of reading and writing, I would think that if my day had gone uninterrupted and as according to plan, then I would feel like doing what I already had planned to do, unless something happened. Like if I overslept and didn't feel like getting out of bed at the appointed time, I would feel less motivated to spend time with the Lord or have my coffee or clean up before taking off for school.  

One big factor for me in all of this is that I would have a very hard time getting away from media and just sticking my nose into my book. Technology is a wonderful thing nowadays but it can be a tremendous obstacle potentially to doing things that are really important. I am more likely to check Facebook to see if someone messaged me than I am to read God's word, pray, read a good book, or do something else more important. I know some of you reading this might be thinking, "Man this guy's priorities are out of whack!" and you might be right to a certain extent. And because I would be easily detoured from doing important things, I would get discouraged over 2 things: (1) Over failing to get to what was important and (2) repeating the same thing over and over again. 

So what can I do about discouragement? I don't think the phrase "Just give it to the Lord" will do all the work necessary. It's not because I don't think the Lord can handle my troubles and difficulties in life. I know He can. I just think that some people think that God will just fix peoples' problems without people putting in some effort as well. God doesn't do all the work for us folks, just to let you know. So what can I do? Well, I think I might have to do some digging to find out the real source to the problem. There's always a deep rooted source as to why some people consistently struggle with certain things in their lives. I know that to be true in my own life. Maybe I can explore my past history and see if there are clues in my past that could shed light on why I struggle with discouragement now and have continued to struggle with it. Maybe I could think about certain false assumptions I have about accomplishing things in life and see if they shed light on why I get easily discouraged. These are just ideas.

I think that the possible link to all of this goes back to the fact that I was - from starting out as a boy from elementary through high school/college - an emotional guy who primarily thrived on emotions. Because I want my feelings to be present in everything that I do and I find out they're not often in certain cases, I get easily discouraged and wonder what has gone wrong with me. So maybe I could think that my emotions are not always supposed to be the thing that *pushes* me to do something but rather that the *importance of the thing in question* should be what motivates me. In other words, I shouldn't base my motivation on myself but on what I want to do. I should let the significance of what I want to do determine my level of motivation. I think that might be plausible.

Sometimes using pep talk with myself helps me out of these situations. Like if I am lying in bed and want to get up and get moving for the day but am struggling to find the motivation, I will sometimes say in my head, "Ben nothing or no one is blocking you from getting up. There's nothing physically standing in your way preventing you from getting up." When I say that to myself or will entertain that thought in my mind, it will sometimes alleviate the situation for me. Is it the best way to handle the situation? I don't know honestly. But I know it works.

So I have basically poured out what has been going on with me lately yall about discouragement and laziness and I would like to ask *all of you* who read this post to do this for me, as a way of helping me with laziness and discouragement:

(1) Post a topic on the Facebook group page ( https://www.facebook.com/groups/478602538874355/ ) that you want me to write about or discuss.

(2) Keep tabs on me (however regularly you want; it doesn't have to be all the time) as to how it's coming along.

That would really help me in those areas. Whenever I am asked to write about something important, it motivates me to write about it because I have people who are depending on me to come up with something. If I am depending on myself to come up with something, 8 times out of 10 I will come up with hardly anything or very little. That's the honest truth. It's sad but true. But I'm working on it.

Plus, since most of you guys are believers (yes I do have unbelieving friends on my Facebook group page), I need the boost and support. I can't battle these things alone. So if you could stick to # 1 and # 2, that would be AWESOME!

As a reminder, I'll post (about 1 and 2) on the group page so that people don't forget. Thanks for taking the time to read my ranting about my complicated life. Thanks guys. 

Rules of Logic

There need to be a few things clarified in what we are about to discuss. First, let me briefly define what an argument is and what it isn’t. An argument is a collection of statements – which assert something is or is not the case – in which one statement (the conclusion) is said to follow from the other statements (premises). In other words, the premises are meant to provide support for the conclusion. A statement which asserts/claims something is the case or is not the case is a proposition. Second, if an argument follows the rules of logic, then it is a valid argument. To say an argument is valid is to say the conclusion follows from the premises. An argument being valid has nothing to do with the premises and the conclusion being true or false. An argument being valid is concerned with the form or structure of the argument; it is not concerned with the truth of the premises or the conclusion. By contrast, if the conclusion fails to follow from the premises that preceded it, then the entire argument is invalid. For an argument to be a sound argument the conclusion has to follow from the premises and the premises have to be true. But in this blog post we will not be discussing the soundness of an argument but its validity.

Rule #1

Modus Ponens

This is a rule, which is very simple and straightforward to understand. The rule Modus Ponens can be defined as follows: A rule of inference in which a certain truth is automatically implied by another truth that precedes it: P implies Q. P; Therefore, Q. I will show a few examples on how this is worked out.

Example #1

-            Since I am hungry for Italian food right now, I will go to Olive Garden to eat.

-            I am hungry for Italian food right now.

-            Therefore, I will go to Olive Garden to eat.

Example #2

-            Anything that comes into existence has to have a cause

-            The universe came into existence

-            Therefore, the universe has to have a cause

Example #3

-            If it is raining outside, then I will stay inside

-            It is raining outside

-            Therefore, I will stay inside

              Rule #2

                  Modus Tollens

Modus Tollens is similar to Modus Ponens but has a critical difference. In Modus Tollens, the second half of a premise (the consequent) is denied or negated in the second premise of an argument:

P > Q (the > sign means implies. Q is implied by P or is a consequence of P)

~Q (the ~ sign means negation or denial. Q is being denied in this case)

~P

Whatever is true of P is also true of Q and vice versa. There is never a time in which something is true of either P or Q but false of the other variable. Let’s look at some examples.

Example #1

-            If God does not exist, then objective moral values do not exist

-            Objective moral values do exist (Notice that this premise is a *denial* of the second part of the first premise)

-            Therefore, God exists

Example #2

-            Since the Pacers have tied the series 2-2 with the Heat, they will win the remaining games of the Eastern Conference Finals

-            They will not win the remaining games of the Eastern Conference Finals

-            Therefore, the Pacers have not tied the series 2-2 with the Heat

Example #3

-            Whatever comes into the marketplace to be sold must be fresh food

-            Raspberries are not fresh food

-            Therefore, raspberries did not come into the marketplace to be sold

In the next blog post pertaining to logic I will talk about a hypothetical syllogism and a disjunctive syllogism. Stay tuned!