What are friends like? Some might say they are people who are there for you during difficult times. I would agree with that. Some might say they are people who stick with you even when it would be easy to leave. Who wouldn't agree to that? What about people who deliberately take an interest in your life and want to know who you are? Are there people right now who are playing those roles in relation to me? I would say not.
Yeah sure I have people who - when they have the time - call me and want to hang out. Those people aren't abundant in number. I can think of at least a few people. Now have I hung out with people who haven't done either and who I consider as friends? Yeah of course.
But what about people who ask me questions about my life, struggles, accomplishments, and who aren't asking me questions in terms of how I can help them but are just wanting to know who I am?
I frankly know none of such people.
But someone might ask: Ben can you really expect people to do what you do? After all, they are not you and you are not them.
I think that question makes an invalid assumption. It assumes that the reason why I expect people to do that is *precisely* because I am doing it. But that's a false assumption. I do not believe that the fact I am doing it is something unique to Ben Williamson. I think it's something that is primary to friendships.
If you have nothing to inquire about the other person in terms of their history, growth, progress, and struggles in a variety of ways, then how can you confidently say you are their friend?
Sure they might be your friend because they do the things necessary for a friendship exist but you don't reciprocate their actions, and neither do you give any evidence that you have an interest in their lives.
It's one thing to say "I am interested in being your friend or knowing you" and it's another matter to prove it.
So far most, if not all of my current friendships, exist because I was the person to initiate it. Now there's nothing wrong with me being the primary initiator. But if I keep that role the entire time I am supposedly friends with them, then is this just a giving series of experiences but not a give-and-take example of a friendship?
I am honest guy to people. But unfortunately I cannot tell people sometimes what I really think about them because it would hurt their feelings. So as a result, I hide my feelings from them.
I honestly don't really know what else to write about as far as this topic is concerned. Yes I care about people, I enjoy imparting wisdom, knowledge, and insight to people, and I love making people feel happy.
But I don't feel connected to people. Will I do good to people regardless of how they treat me? Absolutely. Will I see myself as their friend? Probably so. Will I see them as my friends? Probably not. Because they don't know me deeply. Sure they know my character qualities as far as how I interact with them. But they don't know where I've been in life, my ups and downs, and so forth. Why?
Because they don't ask questions. Why don't they ask questions? For some, because they don't care or don't think it matters. For some, because it hasn't come to their minds and so they have nothing to ask.
I guess there's a big difference between being there for people and you considering them to be a friend.
I don't expect people to respond to this blog post because it's too much work because either they are burdened with other things (which I'm sympathetically understanding of) or they don't feel like exploring it.
I guess I would rather talk about anything that isn't personal with people because I just don't trust people in general. There are people I know who are genuine and I appreciate those people and I try to earn and keep their trust.
I try not to take peoples' trust for granted. I realize that trust is something that can be easily lost and hardly gained. So I appreciate it and take it to heart when people confide in me for certain matters, issues, or questions in their lives.
Maybe the reason why I'm talking about all of this is because I have too much time on my hands to think about these issues. If I were more busy, then maybe this would not bother me so much. But then again, if I stayed active in being physically fit in what I eat and how I exercise and read regularly and cultivated certain habits, I probably would feel much happier.
I guess I have poured so much into people and have received little in return. If this is what it means to have friends, then it's not a worthwhile investment. But of course, as a wise person would point out, my expectations as to what defines good investment is critical.
I realize that most people would not be as immediately and directly straightforward and disclosing of themselves as I am in the timespan that I normally show myself. Most people, in my experience, require more time for that to occur.
I want to be patient and give friendships time to develop. But I also fear that people use that as an excuse to be lazy.
I guess that when it comes to investing in people as friends, I have to consider a few things. First, I have to consider whether they are worth my time. Second, I have to expect minimal results so that I won't be as disappointed as I normally am. Third, I need to know what their *and* my philosophy of friendship is and see whether it's a true or faulty philosophy of friendship and whether it coheres with mine. I am *not* saying that if their philosophy of friendship doesn't cohere with mine, then automatically they have the wrong one.
It's a separate issue whether my philosophy of friendship is a true and coherent one as opposed to whether someone else's philosophy of friendship is compatible with mine or vice versa. Whether two views are compatible with each other has nothing to do with the truth of either views.
So I guess in rehashing what I was saying earlier, I need to address the 8 different but related questions:
(1) Is this person worth my time?
(2) Am I expecting minimal results and if so what are they?
(3) What is his or her philosophy of friendship?
(4) What is my philosophy of friendship?
(5) Do they have a true philosophy of friendship?
(6) Do I have a true philosophy of friendship?
(7) Does his or her philosophy of friendships cohere with mine
(8) Does my philosophy of friendship cohere with his or hers?
