If I asked you to name the number
of people who you trust dearly in life on a variety of issues (money,
relationships, dating, theological issues, etc.), how many would you come up
with? I would like to share some thoughts on what trust, knowledge, and
skepticism are and how they relate to each other in certain areas of life:
beliefs and relationships.
Trust
How would you define trust? Would
you say it’s a decision you make despite what the evidence suggests? Is it a
choice that is based on what you know is true but goes beyond what you know is
true? What would you say? Here’s what I think.
I think trust is a decision to
commit oneself to something or someone. Whether that trust is grounded
reasonably or not is another question. In fact trust, by itself, is just an
exercise of my will. Now if I want to have good reasons for trusting someone or
something, I’ll need to (1) examine my own reasons for trusting and (2) examine
the reliability of the thing or person I’m trusting. Those 2 factors are
usually pretty crucial.
Knowledge
I don’t want to bog you down with
philosophical jargon, so I’m going to just give you the plain old definition
that they have come up with and then explain what it means. Knowledge can be
understood as a belief, which is true and is justified. Basically, you believe
something (you hold something to be true/to be the case), you have reasons for
believing it to be true, and you’re in a position to know whether it’s true or
false.
It would be one thing if I believed
something to be true but not know truly whether it was true or not. A good
example would be my car. I believe my car is running well. I could say my car
is running well because, if it weren’t, it would show on the screen above the
steering wheel whether the car is working decently. But I am not a mechanic. I
don’t know how a car internally works. I can only rely on an expert who knows
how to operate on cars. Now relying on his expert opinion would seem to justify
my belief that my car is running well. Is that reasonable? I think so.
Skepticism
This is basically the idea that we
really cannot know either anything or much at all. Now why would this even gain
ground as an idea? I can think of a few reasons off the top of my head for
possibly why. First, people who are very knowledgeable have gotten facts wrong
or interpretations about certain facts wrong before. Gee, if the people, who
seem to know so much more than I do, get certain things wrong, then how can I
hope to know much at all, since I would have to work twice as long to get the
knowledge they have right now? Another reason sometimes considered is the fact
that sometimes evidence shifts from certain degrees through time. Certain new
evidence could come up in the future and challenge a once established theory or
a certain interpretation of that theory.
Making
sense of all of this
Now that we’ve gotten a decent
understanding of what trust, knowledge, and skepticism are, I want to give a
brief sketch on how they shed light on relationships and beliefs we hold to.
I want to trust other people and
know that they are people who are worth my investment. I also am applying the
same idea to myself. The obvious question, it seems to me, is the following: why is trust and knowledge so hard to gain
sometimes, and why does skepticism
seem so natural at times?
What about the first question? It
seems to me that trust can be so hard to gain for perhaps 2 fundamental
reasons: failures of credible sources
& people and lack of initiative from people. Even the best of sources
of information can be mistaken at times about certain things. A woman who,
while counting on doctors, only happens to find out they had misdiagnosed her
can become susceptible to a lack of trust in those doctors who took care of
her. The same can happen in many other situations. Trust, while capable of
being an intellectual matter, can oftentimes drift over into the emotional
realm of the struggles of humanity.
What about the fact that some
people oftentimes do not take the initiative in giving forth friendship and
love to lonesome strangers? This has happened quite common, even in my own
experiences. There have been numerous times when, after visiting a number of
churches, I would wonder if God would ever lead me to the right place. I had
been searching for meaningful friendships with people. In order for certain
people to trust others, the - quite
oftentimes the case – third party is expected to step forward and make the
newcomers feel welcome. If that does not happen, the newcomers might end up
feeling isolated.
I will trust someone who takes the
initiative and who does more than give an eloquent speech. Let’s be frank about
this folks. Love necessarily must be intentional in its nature. What right do
others and I have to say we are kind, good, and loving people if we hardly or
rarely give evidence (i.e. steps to our words) to back up what we assert? If I
tell someone I would like to be his friend, the burden of proof lies on me to
show him that I mean what I say. He has no epistemic obligation to take my word
as true, if and only if my word is all he receives from me. We hardly ever
accept that standard on behalf of others and ought not to impose it on others.
Let’s tackle the last question
before offering some possible solutions to some of the problems I have
highlighted so far. Why does skepticism seem so natural at times? I think there
are 2 reasons for why that happens. First, we
are sometimes to some degree overtaken by our own skepticism, to the point of
not thinking carefully about our own expectations with people and beliefs.
It is much more natural to be skeptical of other peoples’ views than our own
views. A healthy skepticism is indeed a good thing, but too much of it can be
harmful. I think we ought to ensure we are not overly skeptical to the point of
clouding our judgment capabilities. One way to do that is by reevaluating our
motives. What expectations do we have with respect to people and beliefs? Are
those expectations reasonable? Are they applicable? Do they have absurd ends
(do they lead to unmanageable situations)? And the list goes on.
The second reason why I think
skepticism seems so natural at times is because certain people seem so ill equipped, self-centered, or unable to live
out certain Christ-like qualities in relationships. Now how exactly does
this relate to the question? Very simply, because certain people fail to do the
things essentially needed for a friendship to originate and develop
successfully, someone – like myself – is prone to think that it would be a
waste of time to invest in their lives or to accept their alleged investment
into mine or someone else’s. Someone might retort to what I just said by
insinuating that my conclusion seems a bit harsh and maybe too hard. It could be
too harsh. But remember that people are the most valuable entities in all of
creation because they are created in the image of God (imago dei). Therefore,
given that truth about ourselves, we are to take all the more seriously our
decisions about others since they involve making or possibly breaking
friendships. So that is the issue about skepticism. There is one more I wish to
cover before moving on to discuss certain ways to overcome these difficulties.
The third – and final – reason why
skepticism seems quite natural is because
of peoples’ lack of intellectual ability to know how, when, and the kind of
answers to give when friends approach them with difficult questions about life,
and when they act as if it’s an unimportant matter in the first place. This
comes back to the issue of knowledge once again. Let’s make this personal. If
you had difficulties knowing how to communicate with your friend about his
decision making abilities in choosing the kind of girl to take on a date, would
you go to someone who either (1) hadn’t experience that dilemma before or (2)
someone who didn’t give you the impression they were reflective people? Clearly
not! You go to someone who seems able to relate to your situation or can at
least speak truth into your life to the point of you feeling confident and
reassured about the situation.
In short plain words don’t trust
people who are not reliable sources of knowledge, experience, guidance, and
relational skills because it isn’t worth your life. Don’t confide in someone
about emotional struggles who isn’t in contact with his/her emotions in a
healthy way. The same goes for someone, from whom, you’re seeking counsel or
wise insight. Don’t seek someone who lacks the intellectual skills to think –
as best as one can – objectively about the situation but is able to communicate
it to you in a way where you will feel the thrust of his/her love and wisdom.
Some
Proposed Solutions
First, take stock for whom you invest in and who is currently investing – or
so you think – in you. Not everyone on your cell phone, email list, and
Facebook is going to be able to be that close and reliable friend you need
right now and will need in the future. Make some distinctions among
acquaintances, regular friends, close friends, and best friends and make up
your mind.
Second, figure out who is responding more to your initiation than others and
make them a higher priority in life, but don’t abandon the remaining others.
Third, evaluate the kind of friends you are spending time with. Are they
the kind of friends who are sometimes challenging you to mature in life? Are
they willing to confront you on an issue if necessary? Do they make you think
critically about important issues that affect them, you, both of you, and
others? Do they go out of their way to make sure you’re loved, taken care of,
and encouraged? If they do, then that’s a real group of friends to associate
with. Last, but not least, make sure you
have access to worthwhile Christian friends who are mature and desire to grow
in their faith. Don’t allow yourself to consistently hang around stagnant
believers because it could badly affect you.
This is just something I had
decided to put down into words because this has been on my mind for a long time
and I wanted to make it accessible to others who might need some encouragement
and someone who understands what they’re going through and how they’re thinking
and feeling. Hope this has blessed you.
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