Laziness
There have been many times in my life when I started something - whatever you could call it - but wouldn't finish it. Better yet, I would start something but would for some reason or another not keep it up. Why would this happen so much? I guess one reason at least is because I had thought for a long time that if I wanted to do something, then it was supposed to be natural or easy. But if it turned out to be hard or if I didn't want to do it at some time or another, then I must not really want to do it. This gets into how one can make sense of doing something that requires consistent effort and yet it enjoyable. I think basketball would be a good example of that. I don't dread the idea or act of basketball. I enjoy playing it a lot. But when it comes to reading and writing my thoughts in a blog page - like I'm doing right now - or in a journal - which I haven't done in several weeks or months - I struggle miserably with sticking to those things.
I have been told that I'm a good speaker and a good writer. I know that laziness has to be broken one way or the other. I have to form habits. Habits are difficult to form from the get go. That's why they require discipline and commitment. But my difficulty is *how* am I supposed to commit myself to something I am supposed to *love* and be *passionate about*? I guess that I have been more of a feelings oriented kind of guy for most of my life than an intellectually oriented guy, that might be one of the reasons why I'm struggling to break laziness. I have a hard time staying committed to something that requires consistent effort which - over time - will become a lifestyle and hence easy to maintain. Why do I have a hard time? Because I have a *extremely* hard time with the "just do it" principle. It's almost like I have to sit and deliberate and think to myself, "When is that feeling of wanting to do this gonna arrive?" It's almost like I have to wait before that feeling of wanting to do something is somehow going to magically spur me on to do whatever I had planned to do in the first place. I feel almost as though that if I just do it - even though I don't feel like it and know that it's right - then I must not have done it genuinely or sincerely. It's almost like sincerity has to come in some kind of emotional form.
And truthfully it can be simple things that may not be that significant at all. For example, there are things like getting out of bed in the morning, taking out the trash when it's full, washing the dishes in the sink, picking up loose clothes on my bed, flossing and brushing my teeth consistently (I do think this is a very important thing just to let you know) which I know I should do and aren't as huge as spending time with the Lord, reading a good book, getting my homework done, or something else.
So maybe I just need to scratch the whole "wait till you feel like it" principle when it comes to doing things on a regular basis of whatever degree of importance they might have. I honestly wish the feelings of doing something good and constructive were always there. It's really frustrating that they oftentimes aren't. I can be extremely moody and emotionally inconsistent with myself on any given day if something doesn't go right.
Logically speaking, it seems to me that doing something logically comes before liking or disliking it. Now there are some things that we don't do and we can know whether we would like them or not (i.e. falling on our heads, getting shot, bitten by a dog, etc.). So I grant that point. But in other cases, we do something because we like it. It's the fact we like doing something that enables us to keep doing it, but we wouldn't have known whether we like or dislike it, if we had never tried it in the first place. So essentially, we have to do something before we like or dislike something.
You might be wondering how this ties into what I've been saying all along. It's basically like this. I'm guessing that since my emotions are reactions based on what is going on with me or what I am doing in a certain situation, I can do something and honestly hope to God that the feelings will go along with whatever I'm doing eventually. I think I have some control over my feelings but not as much as I'd like to have. But I do have control over what I do or am capable of doing. So I can always do something, whether or not the feelings arrive. In fact, Gary Chapman in his book about the five love languages said that (in a relationship context of course) we can speak our spouse's love language even when the feelings of romance aren't there, and that the feelings can oftentimes arrive when we speak their love language.
Discouragement
I couldn't count to you the number of times I have been discouraged by something in my life. Whether it had to do with being good looking enough for a girl to like me or to having a catchy enough personality, there was always something that could get me down. With regards to reading and writing, I think I get discouraged many times because I possibly expect too much of myself. I sometimes go back and forth on the kind of expectations I have set for myself. Sometimes I will have high expectations because I am feeling confident in a mountaintop way and then other times I will honestly expect little to nothing from myself. Even though I'm specifically talking about reading and writing, I can talk about relationships for a little bit.
I have gotten discouraged before many times with myself over whether I was any fit for a girl for the following reason: I didn't know how to take things slow or be patient. Because my excitement over making a new friend would escalate nearly out of control, I would end up losing a potential friend. And then I would think that I just didn't have the wherewithal to make good use of having friendships. Discouragement would set in and eventually it would turn into cynicism. I would think all women were suspect and downright hypocrites and just thinking only about their own wants and needs, and not even thinking they had any moral obligations towards men. Of course I knew I was making a sweeping generalization in my mind, but I didn't care because granting the truth didn't make me feel any better.
But getting back to the subject of reading and writing, I would think that if my day had gone uninterrupted and as according to plan, then I would feel like doing what I already had planned to do, unless something happened. Like if I overslept and didn't feel like getting out of bed at the appointed time, I would feel less motivated to spend time with the Lord or have my coffee or clean up before taking off for school.
One big factor for me in all of this is that I would have a very hard time getting away from media and just sticking my nose into my book. Technology is a wonderful thing nowadays but it can be a tremendous obstacle potentially to doing things that are really important. I am more likely to check Facebook to see if someone messaged me than I am to read God's word, pray, read a good book, or do something else more important. I know some of you reading this might be thinking, "Man this guy's priorities are out of whack!" and you might be right to a certain extent. And because I would be easily detoured from doing important things, I would get discouraged over 2 things: (1) Over failing to get to what was important and (2) repeating the same thing over and over again.
So what can I do about discouragement? I don't think the phrase "Just give it to the Lord" will do all the work necessary. It's not because I don't think the Lord can handle my troubles and difficulties in life. I know He can. I just think that some people think that God will just fix peoples' problems without people putting in some effort as well. God doesn't do all the work for us folks, just to let you know. So what can I do? Well, I think I might have to do some digging to find out the real source to the problem. There's always a deep rooted source as to why some people consistently struggle with certain things in their lives. I know that to be true in my own life. Maybe I can explore my past history and see if there are clues in my past that could shed light on why I struggle with discouragement now and have continued to struggle with it. Maybe I could think about certain false assumptions I have about accomplishing things in life and see if they shed light on why I get easily discouraged. These are just ideas.
I think that the possible link to all of this goes back to the fact that I was - from starting out as a boy from elementary through high school/college - an emotional guy who primarily thrived on emotions. Because I want my feelings to be present in everything that I do and I find out they're not often in certain cases, I get easily discouraged and wonder what has gone wrong with me. So maybe I could think that my emotions are not always supposed to be the thing that *pushes* me to do something but rather that the *importance of the thing in question* should be what motivates me. In other words, I shouldn't base my motivation on myself but on what I want to do. I should let the significance of what I want to do determine my level of motivation. I think that might be plausible.
Sometimes using pep talk with myself helps me out of these situations. Like if I am lying in bed and want to get up and get moving for the day but am struggling to find the motivation, I will sometimes say in my head, "Ben nothing or no one is blocking you from getting up. There's nothing physically standing in your way preventing you from getting up." When I say that to myself or will entertain that thought in my mind, it will sometimes alleviate the situation for me. Is it the best way to handle the situation? I don't know honestly. But I know it works.
So I have basically poured out what has been going on with me lately yall about discouragement and laziness and I would like to ask *all of you* who read this post to do this for me, as a way of helping me with laziness and discouragement:
(1) Post a topic on the Facebook group page ( https://www.facebook.com/groups/478602538874355/ ) that you want me to write about or discuss.
(2) Keep tabs on me (however regularly you want; it doesn't have to be all the time) as to how it's coming along.
That would really help me in those areas. Whenever I am asked to write about something important, it motivates me to write about it because I have people who are depending on me to come up with something. If I am depending on myself to come up with something, 8 times out of 10 I will come up with hardly anything or very little. That's the honest truth. It's sad but true. But I'm working on it.
Plus, since most of you guys are believers (yes I do have unbelieving friends on my Facebook group page), I need the boost and support. I can't battle these things alone. So if you could stick to # 1 and # 2, that would be AWESOME!
As a reminder, I'll post (about 1 and 2) on the group page so that people don't forget. Thanks for taking the time to read my ranting about my complicated life. Thanks guys.
I think that the possible link to all of this goes back to the fact that I was - from starting out as a boy from elementary through high school/college - an emotional guy who primarily thrived on emotions. Because I want my feelings to be present in everything that I do and I find out they're not often in certain cases, I get easily discouraged and wonder what has gone wrong with me. So maybe I could think that my emotions are not always supposed to be the thing that *pushes* me to do something but rather that the *importance of the thing in question* should be what motivates me. In other words, I shouldn't base my motivation on myself but on what I want to do. I should let the significance of what I want to do determine my level of motivation. I think that might be plausible.
Sometimes using pep talk with myself helps me out of these situations. Like if I am lying in bed and want to get up and get moving for the day but am struggling to find the motivation, I will sometimes say in my head, "Ben nothing or no one is blocking you from getting up. There's nothing physically standing in your way preventing you from getting up." When I say that to myself or will entertain that thought in my mind, it will sometimes alleviate the situation for me. Is it the best way to handle the situation? I don't know honestly. But I know it works.
So I have basically poured out what has been going on with me lately yall about discouragement and laziness and I would like to ask *all of you* who read this post to do this for me, as a way of helping me with laziness and discouragement:
(1) Post a topic on the Facebook group page ( https://www.facebook.com/groups/478602538874355/ ) that you want me to write about or discuss.
(2) Keep tabs on me (however regularly you want; it doesn't have to be all the time) as to how it's coming along.
That would really help me in those areas. Whenever I am asked to write about something important, it motivates me to write about it because I have people who are depending on me to come up with something. If I am depending on myself to come up with something, 8 times out of 10 I will come up with hardly anything or very little. That's the honest truth. It's sad but true. But I'm working on it.
Plus, since most of you guys are believers (yes I do have unbelieving friends on my Facebook group page), I need the boost and support. I can't battle these things alone. So if you could stick to # 1 and # 2, that would be AWESOME!
As a reminder, I'll post (about 1 and 2) on the group page so that people don't forget. Thanks for taking the time to read my ranting about my complicated life. Thanks guys.
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